Blah Blah Blah

Christmas was plenty uneventful. I did nothing. I got nothing. I spoke to no one for half the day. Just another day. And that was fine with me. Not a jolly ol’ fan, shall we say.

Then, even though I didn’t want to leave the house, I was pressured to go to dinner at a friend’s, where there would be people. Like, over 10 of them. I would be expected to be friendly and conversational and social. All things I didn’t have the energy or patience for.

“Everybody will really miss you if you’re not there.”

I doubted that very much, particularly since I am not my usual self right now.

But I went.

And I regret it.

I should have listened to my instincts and stayed the hell home. The food was amazing, as usual. My friend is a fantastic cook. The people were all fine. I knew most of them – they are family friends.

But when your own mother begins speaking about you as if you’re not even in the room? Yeah, not so fun.

“He’s in his depressive phase…”

If I could have left right then and there without coming off as a total asshole, I would have done it.

But hey, my depression is now just a phase, so that’s something! You know, like the moon has phases, this will all just go away soon. Probably tomorrow. This is great news!

20171227_100006.jpgI  have spent a lot of time explaining my various illnesses to the people around me. My depression, my anxieties, my bipolar disorder, my ADD, blah blah blah ad nauseum. It’s odd to me that the people who don’t ever seem to get it (or want to get it) are related to me by blood.

“You’re depressed? What do you have to be depressed about?”

“You just need to smile and stop being so negative.”

“Maybe if you weren’t on so many medications…”

“He’s in his depressive phase…”

“Maybe if you’d quit living in the past, you’d be a whole lot happier.”

Yeah, maybe if I got a lobotomy for Christmas, I’d be a whole lot happier, too.


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