I’m not in a good spot right now. I feel like I’ve hit a wall again, pharmaceutically speaking. This is what happens, you take meds long enough and you build up a tolerance to them and they just don’t hit the mark anymore.
So I’m phasing out one mood stabilizer as I start another, one I’ve not taken before. (Which is saying something because I’ve been on a warehouse’s worth of meds, and then some.) Tomorrow will be a week since I started the new one. I’m trying to stay attentive to details, notice any effects this med is having. Not seeing anything yet, I don’t think.
My anxiety levels are up, as is my depression. I’m aggravated easily, which translates to a lot more swearing while driving behind slow-ass idiots on the highway. I’m mentally insulting myself over the dumbest little things.
I’m doing the turtle thing, keeping my head inside my shell a lot more, not going anywhere. Shit, I haven’t done much on social media, even. Haven’t posted a thing on Facebook in over a week. And that’s really unlike me. My world is pretty small and seems to get smaller all the time.
One thing I will give myself credit for: some have been purposefully attempting to pull me into toxic discussions/debates, and I haven’t been taking the bait. I’ve also been steering clear of a lot of online political groups and trolls…that way I’m not tempted to jump into the fray. I just don’t need extra drama or stress and I’m not willing to feed the asshats that feed on it.
So here’s to feeling something other than depression, anxiety, and annoyance sometime very soon. And maybe venturing outside the house for more than just food runs.